In More Than One World

Living in a bicultural world, daily I feel as though I believe that I am in one world, but I quickly find out that I am in another.  My best example, however, has to be last summer -- the summer of 2014 when I took what I believed would be an enriching trip. Since immigrating to the states fourteen years ago, I had a chance to visit Bosnia-- the country of my birth and the place where I spent a small part of my childhood before my family and I came to Texas.

Bosnia was nothing like what I remember the place being -- nothing like what it is in my memories. I expected Bosnia to be small, heartwarming, welcoming, and accepting, but I quickly realized that those qualities only existed in the blurred lines of my childhood memories. More importantly, I lived all of my life (well up to that point) believing that I did not belong in the states, that I did not fit within the American culture. I always saw myself as Bosnian first and nothing else. Last summer though changed my outlook, world, and identity more than I ever imaged. For fourteen years, I fought so hard to be Bosnian and succeed in America so I can contribute to my homeland to only realize in the end just how much of life I missed out on due to my extensive focus on the Bosnian world of my memories. Needless to say, my trip was a learning experience. I learned that I did not fully belong in the Bosnian world. For instance, living a part of your childhood in Bosnian and being born there truly does not mean the culture will accept you as Bosnian. I've lived most of my life in the states, and that certainly reflected throughout this trip. Additionally, because Texas is not well-populated with a Bosnian community, I spent so much time away from the Bosnian culture. Yes, of course I speak the language fluently, and yes, of course I will always embrace the Bosnian traditions, but I will never know anything of Bosnia past my childhood. Honestly, this is hard to accept. 

Going on this summer trip, I did leave being in one world (the world I created and expected), yet I came back with a wakeup call that makes me, more than ever, appreciate the small things of our daily America life. For instance, a McDonald's on every corner, our acceptance for diversity, our shopping, our cars, our caring ways, and the safety of being here. Taking this trip made me accept that my world is not purely Bosnian. My world is that of a Bosnian-American; I would describe myself as Bosnian born, Texas raised. Because of this awakening, I no longer see being Bosnian as the only hat I wear or as the only part of me. For instance, sitting here today typing this at the TWU library, I see myself as a stressed out graduate student who simply wants to earn her degree this summer.